Below Par?

After a particularly bad round of golf, Robert decided not to go to the nineteenth hole [the clubhouse bar] and started to go straight home.

As he was walking to the golf car park to get his Range Rover, a policeman stopped him and asked', Did you tee off on the seventeenth hole about twenty minutes ago?'

'Yes', Robert answered.

'Did you happen to slice your ball so that it went over the trees and out of bounds and completely off the golf course?'

'Yes, I did. How did you know?' Robert questioned.

'Well', said the policeman gravely', your golf ball flew out onto the main road and crashed through the windscreen of a BMW. The car driver lost control and crashed into six other cars and a fire engine. The fire engine was unable to reach the fire in time and the building burned down. Now, what do you intend to do about it?'

Robert thought it over very carefully and responded, I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb.

Monay to Friday?

Delicious typo error!

Cricket as taught to an American

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.

Point to Ponder: Lil wonder why Americans hate Cricket!

Simon Says....

Before the start of this season, American Idol said Simon Cowell will be softer in his judgements this time around.


The best part of watching “American Idol” for me is to listen to sly comments from the most mordant judge Simon Cowell and I can say that he has not mellowed down. Here are some from this year's show.

"You are a complete and utter drama queen. I’ve never met anyone else in my life, with the exception of Paula, who was so desperate to be famous." -- To Tatiana Del Toro

"We know you're a good singer, but I thought that was clumsy and amateurish." --To Danny Gokey

“I couldn’t wait for it to end.” - To Michael Sarvar

"The good news is, you look good. The bad news is, it was horrible, and whoever is advising you, I would fire." --To Megan Joy

"Standing now the way you are, you could be at a bus stop." --To Kris Allen

"I couldn't understand a single word. ... You could have been singing in Norwegian." --To Michael Sarver

“It's as if you were one of those girls who have to sing at a wedding and are forced to sing a song somebody's requested." --To Lil Rounds

"I thought it was absolute indulgent rubbish." --To Adam Lambert

"It was corny, and you were out of your depth." --To Jorge

"The vocals were brilliant. You are one heck of a singer. ... The dancing was hideous." --To Danny

"It's fine being artistic. Just not on this show." --To Scott

"You are beginning to become a bit boring." --To Jasmine

"You’re like a little hamster trying to be a tiger." -- to Alex Wagner-Trugman

"Nathaniel, I think you probably would." -- To Nathaniel Marshall who sang "I Would Do Anything For Love," by Meat Loaf

"You've actually got kind of a nice voice, but it was too cool for school." --To Jesse

"It was arguably one of the most atrocious performances we have ever had at this stage of the competition." --To Nick/Norman Gentle

Cricket Extras - SMS of the week

[An SMS chat on Cricket]

Brother Spin [in New Zealand]: "Just met a bloke called Mike Whitney. Says he played 12 Tests for Australia. Any amusing anecdotes?"

The Spin: "Ask him about the time he dropped Botham at Old Trafford in 1981"

Brother Spin: "Mike says f*** off"